Yes, you read that right. Feminists are just as much men's allies as we are women's. For one very simple reason: misogyny and sexism harm everyone, including men. It seems like a strange concept, that hate can harm the oppressor right along with the oppressed. But in the case of the sexes, that's exactly what happens because people aren't stereotypes.
Just like women don't all want to stand barefoot in your kitchen making sandwiches all day, men don't all want to do what their gender role tells them, either. Not all men want to be emotionally distant workaholics who rarely see their spouse and/or children. Not all men want to play football with their sons and ignore their daughters (except to police their love-lives). Not all men like feeling pressured to ditch dinner plans with their wives to go bar-hopping with their friends. Not all men want wives, either, just as not all women want husbands. Some men want husbands. Some women want wives. Some want neither.
Not every man is the self-absorbed chauvinistic asshole society tells him he should be.
And the reason feminists are your friends is because feminists are the first people to tell you "fuck that noise."
See, feminism isn't anti-men; feminism is anti-patriarchy. And yes, there is a difference.
Men are individuals. Men are people with agency. Patriarchy is the system that robs every human being on earth, man, woman, and everyone in between, of the agency they should have and dictates to them what they're supposed to act like based entirely on what gender they're perceived to be. Patriarchy is the force that is reducing your character, your intelligence, and your ability to make your own decisions to a single fucking chromosome and telling you to accept it by giving that chromosome a trainload of societal advantages.
Patriarchy is not just the rule of the world by men. Because even if men were in charge but ruled everything and everyone with respect and dignity, we wouldn't have a problem. Patriarchy is instead the rule of men based solely on the fear and hatred of women. Patriarchy is the division of society into strong and weak, worthy and unworthy, people and not-people, based entirely on which of two convenient little gender tickyboxes they happen to fall into.
It's the system that feminists want to get rid of, because we know that it's what holds us back as people.
Feminists don't just want women to become doctors and lawyers and construction workers and firefighters if they wish, without the fear of harassment over it. Feminists want men to become hairdressers and librarians and secretaries and stay-at-home dads if they wish, because those jobs are not inferior just because they're traditionally associated with women.
We don't just want women to be able to walk down the street in stiletto heels and a crop top without getting catcalled and harassed because we want to feel pretty and confident in peace and safety. We also want men to be able to walk down the street in pink tutus with glitter in their hair because if doing so makes them feel awesome, they should be able to do so in peace and safety as well. Because pink tutus and glitter are not shameful for men to wear.
We don't just want women to be taken seriously even when we're emotional. We want men to be able to show emotion openly and talk about things that bother them. Because emotions are a human thing and their expression should not be a source of shame or derision for anybody.
We don't just want women to stop being blamed for the sexual violence done to them. We want men who are raped and abused to also be able to talk about their experiences and seek help without feeling judged and ashamed or that they "let it happen" somehow. Because nobody ever "lets" rape happen to them no matter how strong they are. Because rape can and does happen to anybody, and no victim should ever feel like they can't tell their story.
More than anyone, feminists believe in the inherent humanity of men. We believe men are not born monsters. We believe that men are in full control of themselves, every moment of every day. We believe that the men who act like assholes choose to do so, because they have been raised in a toxic social climate of patriarchy that tells them such behavior is acceptable and even righteous. And we believe that every man on earth has the moral capacity and empathy for others to reject patriarchy and choose not to act in such a manner.
But if you still need to know what's in it for you as a man who is a feminist? Here are some starters:
If you want women to be held accountable for their actions just as men are, then challenge the notion that women are natural caregivers and incapable of certain behaviors just because they're women.
If you want men to be able to openly like "unmanly" things without getting ridiculed or persecuted, then challenge the notion that everything associated with women is inferior and shameful.
If you want men who are victims of abuse and rape given the support they need, then challenge the idea that men are strong and therefore can't be abused or raped.
If you want men to not be seen as sex-crazed monsters incapable of controlling themselves, then stand up and challenge the rape culture that patriarchy has fostered over millennia.
If you want equality, then help us fight the patriarchal system that tells us all that we are and all we can be is limited by what gender we're perceived as. Help us fight the system that tells us one gender is deserving of respect and dignity and the other is not.
If you want equality? Be a feminist.
