Normally, I like Jim Wright. But as I've learned over the years, even he suffers from the same problem that every white guy does: since he's not really going to lose much in Trump's America, he feels he has the authority to tell progressives how to win.
His entire post, linked above, is the ramblings of a guy so steeped in his own privilege he's turned the water into milk.
The lede is the only good part of it. But then he starts screaming at fellow liberals to "turn the red sea purple" by "compromising with fear." I very calmly challenged him on Twitter earlier today to explain just how on earth we're supposed to do that, and got blocked for my trouble.
Because, as I finally got him to admit in that thread, you can't compromise with fear.
Not the kind of fear we're dealing with, at any rate. When a child comes to you in the middle of the night scared of monsters under his bed? Your natural instinct is to lift the bedskirt and show him there are no monsters. Maybe check the closet with a flashlight just to go the extra mile. But then the child turns to you and says "no, there really are monsters, they're just invisible so of course you can't see them!" At that point, the child's fear can no longer be compromised with, because he's going to make up reasons to stay afraid.
Trump voters are that child. The monsters under their bed are literally everyone and everything else.
In his post, Jim Wright suggests reaching out to these fearful people instead of dismissing them, by going to churches and assuring them they won't have to marry a gay couple in their house of worship.
I literally laughed out loud reading that, because:
1) why the holy fuck would they believe a word "Crooked Hillary" says? These are the same people chanting "lock her up!"
2) to say that their fear is having to marry a gay couple in their church is to treat it with far more rationality and credibility than it deserves. They don't actually give a shit about that. They don't want gay couples getting married, period. Not in their church, not in any church, not in their courthouses, not in their city, not in their state, not in their country.
The part Mr. Wright doesn't seem to grasp is that compromising with them in any way is compromising with hatred. This is the same guy who was literally targeted by Neo-Nazis, but can't seem to understand that their fear is based on hatred. It's built directly on top of it. Hatred is the foundation of everything conservatives do. They fear change because they hate having to deal with anything different than themselves.
As far as blaming liberals for not showing up at the polls? That is a valid point. At least for privileged white liberals like himself. The problem is that in 2013, the Supreme Court ruled on Shelby County v. Holder in a 5-4 decision that de-fanged the Voting Rights Act. Afterward, we saw a veritable orgy of voter suppression legislation passed.
In key states like Ohio, Florida, Pennsylvania, and Michigan -- the states which cost Hillary the Electoral College -- many liberals, progressives and moderate conservatives who might've shown up to vote for Hillary were turned away and not permitted to cast a ballot. This is also not even counting the fact that communities of color (who vote largely Democrat) suffer disproportionately high rates of incarceration for non-violent felonies, which in turn means they are legally barred from voting.
Many liberals and progressives didn't show up for the 2014 midterms and 2016 election not because they didn't want to, but because they weren't allowed. Maybe smug white guys with the same privilege Jim Wright has decided to sit it out, largely because of their privilege. But to lump everyone else in with them is not just misleading, but insulting.
If you want to turn the red sea purple? Don't waste your time compromising with fear. Don't lose sleep trying to convince an irrationally scared child to go to bed when he's going to have far more reasons not to than you can keep up with.
You can't dismiss all of their concerns, because they do have valid ones. Poverty, drug use and failing health are just as bad in rural areas as they are in urban, but without any of the (still inadequate) support centers that city dwellers have (soup kitchens, shelters, sliding-scale clinics, etc.). But you can most definitely dismiss their fear, when that fear has equal parts jack and shit to do with their concerns.
You want to mitigate the damage Trump can do? You need to put the pressure on your Congresscritters. The people who put shit on Trump's desk to sign. They're already too scared to hold town halls. Don't let that stop you. Flood their inboxes. Flood their phones. Flood their mailbags. Hold protests. Stop traffic.
Make them so pants-shittingly terrified of losing their seats in 2018 that they'll have no choice but to break with the party line for self-preservation. Force them to be the check on Trump, with the threat that if they won't, you'll elect someone else who will.
Don't compromise with fear, and don't negotiate with terrorists. Resist.
Statcounter
Wednesday, March 1, 2017
Monday, February 27, 2017
To Err Is Human, To Forgive Is Dangerous If They're Not Sorry
When I was somewhere between kindergarten and third grade, I vaguely remember some incident where the teacher made a kid apologize to me. She then turned to me and said "now what do you say?" When I didn't answer she said "you're supposed to say 'you're forgiven.'"
I looked at her and said "But I don't forgive him, because he's not sorry. He's just saying it because you made him." I'll never forget the look on the teacher's face. It was like somebody had clued her in to a part of the human psyche she'd either forgotten about or had never acknowledged. The script she was used to wasn't being followed. The motions she'd been conditioned to go through were being rejected. All of a sudden, she kind of stood there and questioned reality as she knew it.
This was my first clue that forgiveness is as much a part of the bullshit children get spoonfed by their adult caretakers as Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. It's an arbitrary social convention that everyone follows, but they have no clue why. Other than "it's rude if you don't." It's a rehearsed interaction much the same way that pleasantries and small-talk are. Go off-script? Everyone loses their minds.
As children, we're conditioned that "you're forgiven" is simply the right response to "I'm sorry." And you say you're sorry when you do something bad so that the other person says "you're forgiven" and it's all forgotten about.
It's a ridiculous kindergarten ritual that kids are taught, and after a while the words themselves cease to have any meaning beyond "this is what you say because it's what you've been taught to say." Sorta like those Berlitz phrasebooks. Only you're learning how to phone it in instead of how to hail a taxi in Spanish.
As a result, I've found people by and large view forgiveness as something they're entitled to just for saying they're sorry. Hell, we even call these rehearsed phrases "magic words." You speak them and they get you what you want. So all too often, people will treat them as such. They won't apologize out of genuine remorse, but only because they're expected to. And in return, they expect to be forgiven.
People in these situations don't deserve your forgiveness.
Because what forgiveness is, is granting absolution. Declaring whatever incident that happened "water under the bridge" and returning your relationship to the status quo. This works when someone is genuinely remorseful, because they're going to remember what they did to upset you and not do it again, because they care about not hurting you. The status quo actually means something to them.
But when the person doesn't have genuine remorse? When they're not sorry for what they did, just that they got caught and you're angry? Forgiveness is worse than wasted on these people. Forgiving someone who isn't really sorry rewards their behavior. It effectively tells them they can hurt you, but as long as they say the magic words, there will be no lasting consequences.
That? Is a very dangerous thing to teach someone.
And this doesn't even get into situations of abuse. Far too many therapists and counselors see forgiveness as a necessary step in the healing process, and impart upon their patients the idea that they will never truly heal until they forgive their abuser (whether they get an apology or not). The thing is, not everyone can do this. Even the kindest and most empathic person has limits. And trying to force a person who has already suffered rank abuse over their limit -- trying force them through cajoling and coercion to forgive someone they simply can't -- is going to do nothing but re-traumatize them. They're going to see themselves as a failure all over again.
You are not, under any circumstances, obligated to forgive. Just like the opposite of hatred isn't love, but indifference, the opposite of a grudge is not forgiveness; it's release. You can leave the anger and the hurt behind by simply getting to the point of not giving a shit anymore.
The decision to forgive is as personal as the decision to have sex. If you do decide to do it, make sure it's because you want to and not because you feel it's expected. Going through the motions is just as bad in both scenarios.
I looked at her and said "But I don't forgive him, because he's not sorry. He's just saying it because you made him." I'll never forget the look on the teacher's face. It was like somebody had clued her in to a part of the human psyche she'd either forgotten about or had never acknowledged. The script she was used to wasn't being followed. The motions she'd been conditioned to go through were being rejected. All of a sudden, she kind of stood there and questioned reality as she knew it.
This was my first clue that forgiveness is as much a part of the bullshit children get spoonfed by their adult caretakers as Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. It's an arbitrary social convention that everyone follows, but they have no clue why. Other than "it's rude if you don't." It's a rehearsed interaction much the same way that pleasantries and small-talk are. Go off-script? Everyone loses their minds.
As children, we're conditioned that "you're forgiven" is simply the right response to "I'm sorry." And you say you're sorry when you do something bad so that the other person says "you're forgiven" and it's all forgotten about.
It's a ridiculous kindergarten ritual that kids are taught, and after a while the words themselves cease to have any meaning beyond "this is what you say because it's what you've been taught to say." Sorta like those Berlitz phrasebooks. Only you're learning how to phone it in instead of how to hail a taxi in Spanish.
As a result, I've found people by and large view forgiveness as something they're entitled to just for saying they're sorry. Hell, we even call these rehearsed phrases "magic words." You speak them and they get you what you want. So all too often, people will treat them as such. They won't apologize out of genuine remorse, but only because they're expected to. And in return, they expect to be forgiven.
People in these situations don't deserve your forgiveness.
Because what forgiveness is, is granting absolution. Declaring whatever incident that happened "water under the bridge" and returning your relationship to the status quo. This works when someone is genuinely remorseful, because they're going to remember what they did to upset you and not do it again, because they care about not hurting you. The status quo actually means something to them.
But when the person doesn't have genuine remorse? When they're not sorry for what they did, just that they got caught and you're angry? Forgiveness is worse than wasted on these people. Forgiving someone who isn't really sorry rewards their behavior. It effectively tells them they can hurt you, but as long as they say the magic words, there will be no lasting consequences.
That? Is a very dangerous thing to teach someone.
And this doesn't even get into situations of abuse. Far too many therapists and counselors see forgiveness as a necessary step in the healing process, and impart upon their patients the idea that they will never truly heal until they forgive their abuser (whether they get an apology or not). The thing is, not everyone can do this. Even the kindest and most empathic person has limits. And trying to force a person who has already suffered rank abuse over their limit -- trying force them through cajoling and coercion to forgive someone they simply can't -- is going to do nothing but re-traumatize them. They're going to see themselves as a failure all over again.
You are not, under any circumstances, obligated to forgive. Just like the opposite of hatred isn't love, but indifference, the opposite of a grudge is not forgiveness; it's release. You can leave the anger and the hurt behind by simply getting to the point of not giving a shit anymore.
The decision to forgive is as personal as the decision to have sex. If you do decide to do it, make sure it's because you want to and not because you feel it's expected. Going through the motions is just as bad in both scenarios.
Monday, February 13, 2017
Don't Fear Trump; Fear His Allies
By now, three weeks into Trump's ridiculous shitshow of a presidency, I think there are two glaringly obvious things we need to digest as a country:
1) Resistance is working. The marches, the deluge of calls from constituents, it's working. Betsy DeVos was only confirmed by a tie-breaking vote from the Vice-President because two Republican Senators voted against her. Something that has literally never happened before in a cabinet confirmation.
2) Donald Trump is not who we should be looking at as the real danger. It's the people he's surrounded himself with.
Trump is reminiscent of Poo-Bah from Gilbert and Sullivan's The Mikado. Pompous, narcissistic, strutting around like the peacock with the biggest feathers and bestowing important-sounding titles on himself to cover up his ineffectual bumbling. The only powers he really has are to sign things and appoint people, and most of those things he signs must be approved by Congress before they even see his desk. Executive orders are really the only place in which he has any teeth, and as we've seen, even those are subject to judicial review.
It all goes back to his actual official title: President of the United States. He presides over the process of governing, and even his say isn't final; laws he signs can be overturned by the Supreme Court if challenged far enough, and his veto can be overridden by Congress with enough votes. He's not a monarch, no matter how many golden toilets he owns.
And unlike his more shrewd predecessors, he's a complete outsider to the governmental process. He quite literally hasn't got the foggiest clue what he's doing. This is a guy who, despite claiming to be the world's greatest businessman, doesn't even read shit before he signs it (literally failing How to Do Business and Not Fuck Up Royally 101). He gets his advice and strategy directly from cable news, and when something doesn't go his way, he whines like a pre-teen douchebag in a Halo tournament on Twitter. At best, he's a useful idiot to the people with the potential to do the real damage.
Trump is that old codger in the nursing home who will sign anything you put in front of him, just because he likes seeing his signature on things. It makes him feel important. Except instead of birthday and Christmas checks to his grandchildren, it's laws and executive orders and military action approvals that affect millions.
It's hard to describe these kinds of people, who are such malignant narcissists and pure fucking evil on every level, but the only reason they haven't gone full comic book villain and subjugated the entire planet is because frankly, they're too fucking stupid to manage such a task. It's why I don't particularly like the comparisons to Hitler; Hitler was able to do the horrifying, world-changing things he did because he was the triple threat of narcissistic, ambitious, and intelligent. Trump is more like Mussolini. Brutal, charismatic, and an utter fucking moron.
The real dangers of his presidency are the people he's appointed to his cabinet, and especially the Congress that confirmed them.
The President was intended to be a check on Congress' power. They can propose and approve all the bills they like, but unless the President signs them or pockets them for ten days in an active session, they don't become law. Think of the President kind of like quality control and safety inspector at a factory, while Congress is the assembly line. The President's job is to approve the product for distribution, or send it back to the assembly line with a list of reasons why it's defective.
If the QA/safety inspector will rubber stamp anything without actually inspecting it? Then the factory can produce whatever it wants, no matter how defective or dangerous. Trump is the QA inspector who is too busy worrying about his side business to care what comes off the assembly line, and has delegated that task to his aides and cabinet. Which leaves them and Congress with an extraordinary amount of power.
That's the reason why, despite committing multiple impeachable offenses, nobody in Congress has actually made a move to draw up those articles; Trump, being both a narcissistic, attention-starved toddler as well as rock fucking stupid, is the perfect broken valve through which a Republican Congress can pass all the shitty bills it wants. Pence isn't nearly so pliable, having real experience in public office and thus knowing how to read things before he signs them. Congress won't impeach him unless he does something which makes even that kind of a payoff not worth their while anymore.
The people Trump has chosen for his cabinet are right out of the narcissist's playbook. People who flatter him and who think much like he does. He's used to surrounding himself with spineless yes-men who, like the residents of Peaksville, OH, will tell their child overlord whatever he wants to hear in order to keep their jobs. And he fancies the U.S. government to be merely an extension of his business empire. Ergo, he expects the people he appoints to do whatever he says (despite that the opposite is literally the function of the cabinet; above all else, they're supposed to warn the President when a bill on his desk is a bad idea).
These yes-men that Trump thinks he's got in his pocket? Include Steve Bannon, an avowed white supremacist who literally wants to destroy the government. Jeff Sessions, a guy deemed too racist to be a federal judge under one of the most racist Presidential administrations in recent memory (Reagan, 1986). Rex Tillerson, an oil tycoon who was awarded the Russian Order of Friendship and is a close buddy of Putin. These are the people who have Trump's ear. The people he trusts to put stuff in front of him to sign, like the old senile codger he's turning out to be.
And just like the guy in the nursing home, he's not willfully signing away power of attorney to his eldest child that just replaced all his heart medication with Tic-Tacs; he simply signed whatever he was told to sign. Trump is hardly the danger, here. The real danger is the people around him who know exactly how to play him to do their awful bidding.
Those are the people we need to vote the fuck out in 2018. Provided we still have a country by then.
1) Resistance is working. The marches, the deluge of calls from constituents, it's working. Betsy DeVos was only confirmed by a tie-breaking vote from the Vice-President because two Republican Senators voted against her. Something that has literally never happened before in a cabinet confirmation.
2) Donald Trump is not who we should be looking at as the real danger. It's the people he's surrounded himself with.
Trump is reminiscent of Poo-Bah from Gilbert and Sullivan's The Mikado. Pompous, narcissistic, strutting around like the peacock with the biggest feathers and bestowing important-sounding titles on himself to cover up his ineffectual bumbling. The only powers he really has are to sign things and appoint people, and most of those things he signs must be approved by Congress before they even see his desk. Executive orders are really the only place in which he has any teeth, and as we've seen, even those are subject to judicial review.
It all goes back to his actual official title: President of the United States. He presides over the process of governing, and even his say isn't final; laws he signs can be overturned by the Supreme Court if challenged far enough, and his veto can be overridden by Congress with enough votes. He's not a monarch, no matter how many golden toilets he owns.
And unlike his more shrewd predecessors, he's a complete outsider to the governmental process. He quite literally hasn't got the foggiest clue what he's doing. This is a guy who, despite claiming to be the world's greatest businessman, doesn't even read shit before he signs it (literally failing How to Do Business and Not Fuck Up Royally 101). He gets his advice and strategy directly from cable news, and when something doesn't go his way, he whines like a pre-teen douchebag in a Halo tournament on Twitter. At best, he's a useful idiot to the people with the potential to do the real damage.
Trump is that old codger in the nursing home who will sign anything you put in front of him, just because he likes seeing his signature on things. It makes him feel important. Except instead of birthday and Christmas checks to his grandchildren, it's laws and executive orders and military action approvals that affect millions.
It's hard to describe these kinds of people, who are such malignant narcissists and pure fucking evil on every level, but the only reason they haven't gone full comic book villain and subjugated the entire planet is because frankly, they're too fucking stupid to manage such a task. It's why I don't particularly like the comparisons to Hitler; Hitler was able to do the horrifying, world-changing things he did because he was the triple threat of narcissistic, ambitious, and intelligent. Trump is more like Mussolini. Brutal, charismatic, and an utter fucking moron.
The real dangers of his presidency are the people he's appointed to his cabinet, and especially the Congress that confirmed them.
The President was intended to be a check on Congress' power. They can propose and approve all the bills they like, but unless the President signs them or pockets them for ten days in an active session, they don't become law. Think of the President kind of like quality control and safety inspector at a factory, while Congress is the assembly line. The President's job is to approve the product for distribution, or send it back to the assembly line with a list of reasons why it's defective.
If the QA/safety inspector will rubber stamp anything without actually inspecting it? Then the factory can produce whatever it wants, no matter how defective or dangerous. Trump is the QA inspector who is too busy worrying about his side business to care what comes off the assembly line, and has delegated that task to his aides and cabinet. Which leaves them and Congress with an extraordinary amount of power.
That's the reason why, despite committing multiple impeachable offenses, nobody in Congress has actually made a move to draw up those articles; Trump, being both a narcissistic, attention-starved toddler as well as rock fucking stupid, is the perfect broken valve through which a Republican Congress can pass all the shitty bills it wants. Pence isn't nearly so pliable, having real experience in public office and thus knowing how to read things before he signs them. Congress won't impeach him unless he does something which makes even that kind of a payoff not worth their while anymore.
The people Trump has chosen for his cabinet are right out of the narcissist's playbook. People who flatter him and who think much like he does. He's used to surrounding himself with spineless yes-men who, like the residents of Peaksville, OH, will tell their child overlord whatever he wants to hear in order to keep their jobs. And he fancies the U.S. government to be merely an extension of his business empire. Ergo, he expects the people he appoints to do whatever he says (despite that the opposite is literally the function of the cabinet; above all else, they're supposed to warn the President when a bill on his desk is a bad idea).
These yes-men that Trump thinks he's got in his pocket? Include Steve Bannon, an avowed white supremacist who literally wants to destroy the government. Jeff Sessions, a guy deemed too racist to be a federal judge under one of the most racist Presidential administrations in recent memory (Reagan, 1986). Rex Tillerson, an oil tycoon who was awarded the Russian Order of Friendship and is a close buddy of Putin. These are the people who have Trump's ear. The people he trusts to put stuff in front of him to sign, like the old senile codger he's turning out to be.
And just like the guy in the nursing home, he's not willfully signing away power of attorney to his eldest child that just replaced all his heart medication with Tic-Tacs; he simply signed whatever he was told to sign. Trump is hardly the danger, here. The real danger is the people around him who know exactly how to play him to do their awful bidding.
Those are the people we need to vote the fuck out in 2018. Provided we still have a country by then.
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
"Princess Mononoke" Is Still a Terrifyingly Beautiful and Chillingly Relevant Film
This month, Fathom Events screened Hayao Miyazaki's 1997 film Princess Mononoke in select theatres to celebrate the movie's 20th anniversary. And I think it's something sorely needed, for a new generation to see this movie. Because if anything, it's even more relevant now than when it was made, current events considered.
While many bloggers have declared Rogue One the movie we needed to see in order to affirm our resistance to oppression and fascism, I would argue that the message in Princess Mononoke is far more comprehensive. While Rogue One celebrates diversity with a great cast and the fight for freedom against a very oppressive (and very white) evil empire, at the end of the day it's still the simplistic space opera of the same stripe as the movies it's a prequel to; the good and bad guys are obvious. You know who to root for.
The world we live in, as much as we would like to believe otherwise, is not so clearly divided. It never has been.
In Princess Mononoke, the title character, Ashitaka, is the last crown prince of a persecuted ethnic group, the Emishi, that was supposedly wiped out five centuries before. In a battle to save his village from the crazed Boar god Nago, he is injured by the demonic presence that had driven the boar mad, and cursed with a demon mark that will eventually consume his body and kill him. As a result, he is ordered to leave his village to prevent the curse from spreading. And with him goes his people's last hope of survival.
As he journeys west, he soon discovers that Nago was transformed from a god to a demon because of what has been happening to the forests; man has been destroying the forests to build forges and get to the iron ore in the ground beneath them, in order to build weapons that they use to hunt the animals that guard the forest. Ashitaka soon learns that what drove Nago mad was rage at the forest's suffering, and the humans that have caused it. His fight is then taken up by Okkoto, another Boar god, who wishes to exterminate the humans and save the forest.
In particular, the humans of a village called Irontown, led by Lady Eboshi, and the men who follow her partner Jigo, a monk who seeks the favor of the Emperor against the local warlord Asano. In Irontown, Ashitaka is enraged to learn of the destruction Lady Eboshi's efforts have caused. But it's tempered by learning that the citizens of Irontown are the most downtrodden members of society. Brothel girls, lepers, etc. Lady Eboshi takes them all in and gives them a place to both feel safe and have a purpose.
But as a result of her destruction of the forest, Lady Eboshi has earned the hatred of the Wolf god Moro, and her three children: her two Wolf pups, and her human daughter San (the eponymous princess), an abandoned child that was thrown at her feet by her own parents when they escaped Moro's wrath. Rather than eat her, Moro adopted her as one of her own. Due to Lady Eboshi's efforts to destroy the forest for its wood and iron, San (and to a lesser extent, Moro) has made it her mission to kill her.
Later on, a plot unfolds between Lady Eboshi and Jigo to harvest the head of the Great Forest Spirit to gain the Emperor's favor. They're successful, but the result is that the Great Forest Spirit drains all life from the landscape while searching for his head. Ashitaka and San return it to him, ending the destruction and repairing the land.
On the surface, the film seems relevant only because of environmental issues. But it's so much more than that. At its heart, Princess Mononoke is a film about the destructive power of hatred, and how we must end the cycle with empathy and compassion for all creatures, not just the ones we belong to.
The four main characters are all foils to each other. Ashitaka represents the best that humanity can be; he wants a perfect solution, for everyone to stop killing each other and to coexist peacefully. As a direct contrast to him, there is Jigo, a self-serving scoundrel who doesn't care what kind of destruction he causes as long as he gets what he wants out of it. In the middle of those two extremes you have San and Lady Eboshi, two sides of the same coin. While San has renounced her humanity, Lady Eboshi completely embraces it, both the destructive and compassionate parts.
While it's true that Lady Eboshi wishes to destroy the forest to get to the iron, she does so because she wants to provide a better life for the people she's rescued. The old and sick, the brothel girls, the lepers...the literal dregs of society that nobody wants to take care of, and that other leaders (like Asano) were implied to be outright purging. As one of the lepers says, she is the only person to treat them as fellow human beings. Despite outward appearances, Lady Eboshi is a kind and compassionate woman...but only toward her fellow humans. She has none of that empathy for the forest or the animal gods that guard it. While she seeks to defend her own home, she has no qualms about razing the home of Moro and San and Okkoto to the ground.
On the flip side, the same could be said for San. She will defend the forest to her last, but has little compassion for the humans defending their home from her Wolf brothers. The only reason she doesn't kill Ashitaka the two times she has the chance is because he appeared to be on her side; the first human she's met who ever showed her any kind of compassion.
And really, that's what sets off the entire chain of events. Ashitaka's mission from the beginning is to see what's happening "through eyes unclouded by hate." And as a result of sticking to that principle, he not only lifts Nago's curse from himself, but ultimately ends the war between the humans and the forest gods.
And it's not an easy mission. Throughout the film, character after character asks, suspects, and demands to know which "side" Ashitaka is on. His motives are questioned by everyone because he doesn't act in the interests of any one person (not even himself, evident when he breaks up Lady Eboshi and San's fight and carries her safely out of Irontown with a gaping bullet wound). And throughout the movie, his motive is the same; to make everyone stop causing suffering.
But the most important part, and the one that is most relevant right now, is that even when it becomes evident that there is no negotiating and Ashitaka must choose a side, the side he chooses is always the side of the oppressed. San, the Wolves, the citizens of Irontown, the peasants being massacred by Asano's men. When Ashitaka must choose to help one side over the other, he always chooses the side that is disadvantaged in some way.
Where we are as a country right now? We need that. We need more Ashitakas. People who would rather see peace, but when forced to choose a side, will help those who need the extra hand most.
Because what we are fighting is not a war of land or resources. We're fighting a purely ideological war, but with the potential to kill just as many as all the other physical conflicts we've seen combined. Because like forest gods, like Jigo's men, like Irontown, like Asano's men, the soldiers in this war are motivated by hatred. And as Ashitaka demonstrated in the film and as millions before us have demonstrated throughout history, you can't fight hatred with more hatred. The only thing that will accomplish is to perpetuate the cycle of violence, suffering and pain. If you fight hatred with hatred, it will eventually eat you alive.
You conquer hatred with empathy, love, compassion and healing.
That's really what the whole movie is about. In order to break the cycle of war, you must have empathy and compassion for others. Even for others who are not like you. Even for others who are trying to destroy you. No, this doesn't mean roll over and take their abuse, but nor does it mean to strip them of their humanity the way they've done to you. Because if you become what you hate in order to win, then you don't actually care about the cause; you only care about winning.
At the end of the day, equality is not about revenge. Equality is not about making other people suffer as you have. Equality is about making sure nobody else suffers as you've done, that nobody else need go through the same pain and horror and hardship that you've endured. Equality is about leaving this world a better place than you found it.
We must see the world with eyes unclouded by hate. It's the only way we're going to lift this curse.
While many bloggers have declared Rogue One the movie we needed to see in order to affirm our resistance to oppression and fascism, I would argue that the message in Princess Mononoke is far more comprehensive. While Rogue One celebrates diversity with a great cast and the fight for freedom against a very oppressive (and very white) evil empire, at the end of the day it's still the simplistic space opera of the same stripe as the movies it's a prequel to; the good and bad guys are obvious. You know who to root for.
The world we live in, as much as we would like to believe otherwise, is not so clearly divided. It never has been.
In Princess Mononoke, the title character, Ashitaka, is the last crown prince of a persecuted ethnic group, the Emishi, that was supposedly wiped out five centuries before. In a battle to save his village from the crazed Boar god Nago, he is injured by the demonic presence that had driven the boar mad, and cursed with a demon mark that will eventually consume his body and kill him. As a result, he is ordered to leave his village to prevent the curse from spreading. And with him goes his people's last hope of survival.
As he journeys west, he soon discovers that Nago was transformed from a god to a demon because of what has been happening to the forests; man has been destroying the forests to build forges and get to the iron ore in the ground beneath them, in order to build weapons that they use to hunt the animals that guard the forest. Ashitaka soon learns that what drove Nago mad was rage at the forest's suffering, and the humans that have caused it. His fight is then taken up by Okkoto, another Boar god, who wishes to exterminate the humans and save the forest.
In particular, the humans of a village called Irontown, led by Lady Eboshi, and the men who follow her partner Jigo, a monk who seeks the favor of the Emperor against the local warlord Asano. In Irontown, Ashitaka is enraged to learn of the destruction Lady Eboshi's efforts have caused. But it's tempered by learning that the citizens of Irontown are the most downtrodden members of society. Brothel girls, lepers, etc. Lady Eboshi takes them all in and gives them a place to both feel safe and have a purpose.
But as a result of her destruction of the forest, Lady Eboshi has earned the hatred of the Wolf god Moro, and her three children: her two Wolf pups, and her human daughter San (the eponymous princess), an abandoned child that was thrown at her feet by her own parents when they escaped Moro's wrath. Rather than eat her, Moro adopted her as one of her own. Due to Lady Eboshi's efforts to destroy the forest for its wood and iron, San (and to a lesser extent, Moro) has made it her mission to kill her.
Later on, a plot unfolds between Lady Eboshi and Jigo to harvest the head of the Great Forest Spirit to gain the Emperor's favor. They're successful, but the result is that the Great Forest Spirit drains all life from the landscape while searching for his head. Ashitaka and San return it to him, ending the destruction and repairing the land.
On the surface, the film seems relevant only because of environmental issues. But it's so much more than that. At its heart, Princess Mononoke is a film about the destructive power of hatred, and how we must end the cycle with empathy and compassion for all creatures, not just the ones we belong to.
The four main characters are all foils to each other. Ashitaka represents the best that humanity can be; he wants a perfect solution, for everyone to stop killing each other and to coexist peacefully. As a direct contrast to him, there is Jigo, a self-serving scoundrel who doesn't care what kind of destruction he causes as long as he gets what he wants out of it. In the middle of those two extremes you have San and Lady Eboshi, two sides of the same coin. While San has renounced her humanity, Lady Eboshi completely embraces it, both the destructive and compassionate parts.
While it's true that Lady Eboshi wishes to destroy the forest to get to the iron, she does so because she wants to provide a better life for the people she's rescued. The old and sick, the brothel girls, the lepers...the literal dregs of society that nobody wants to take care of, and that other leaders (like Asano) were implied to be outright purging. As one of the lepers says, she is the only person to treat them as fellow human beings. Despite outward appearances, Lady Eboshi is a kind and compassionate woman...but only toward her fellow humans. She has none of that empathy for the forest or the animal gods that guard it. While she seeks to defend her own home, she has no qualms about razing the home of Moro and San and Okkoto to the ground.
On the flip side, the same could be said for San. She will defend the forest to her last, but has little compassion for the humans defending their home from her Wolf brothers. The only reason she doesn't kill Ashitaka the two times she has the chance is because he appeared to be on her side; the first human she's met who ever showed her any kind of compassion.
And really, that's what sets off the entire chain of events. Ashitaka's mission from the beginning is to see what's happening "through eyes unclouded by hate." And as a result of sticking to that principle, he not only lifts Nago's curse from himself, but ultimately ends the war between the humans and the forest gods.
And it's not an easy mission. Throughout the film, character after character asks, suspects, and demands to know which "side" Ashitaka is on. His motives are questioned by everyone because he doesn't act in the interests of any one person (not even himself, evident when he breaks up Lady Eboshi and San's fight and carries her safely out of Irontown with a gaping bullet wound). And throughout the movie, his motive is the same; to make everyone stop causing suffering.
But the most important part, and the one that is most relevant right now, is that even when it becomes evident that there is no negotiating and Ashitaka must choose a side, the side he chooses is always the side of the oppressed. San, the Wolves, the citizens of Irontown, the peasants being massacred by Asano's men. When Ashitaka must choose to help one side over the other, he always chooses the side that is disadvantaged in some way.
Where we are as a country right now? We need that. We need more Ashitakas. People who would rather see peace, but when forced to choose a side, will help those who need the extra hand most.
Because what we are fighting is not a war of land or resources. We're fighting a purely ideological war, but with the potential to kill just as many as all the other physical conflicts we've seen combined. Because like forest gods, like Jigo's men, like Irontown, like Asano's men, the soldiers in this war are motivated by hatred. And as Ashitaka demonstrated in the film and as millions before us have demonstrated throughout history, you can't fight hatred with more hatred. The only thing that will accomplish is to perpetuate the cycle of violence, suffering and pain. If you fight hatred with hatred, it will eventually eat you alive.
You conquer hatred with empathy, love, compassion and healing.
That's really what the whole movie is about. In order to break the cycle of war, you must have empathy and compassion for others. Even for others who are not like you. Even for others who are trying to destroy you. No, this doesn't mean roll over and take their abuse, but nor does it mean to strip them of their humanity the way they've done to you. Because if you become what you hate in order to win, then you don't actually care about the cause; you only care about winning.
At the end of the day, equality is not about revenge. Equality is not about making other people suffer as you have. Equality is about making sure nobody else suffers as you've done, that nobody else need go through the same pain and horror and hardship that you've endured. Equality is about leaving this world a better place than you found it.
We must see the world with eyes unclouded by hate. It's the only way we're going to lift this curse.
Friday, December 30, 2016
An Open Letter to the "Incel" Male, From a Woman Who Used to Think She Was Straight
Dear Whinging Little Snot,
First, I refuse to acknowledge or normalize your rhetoric by calling you that ridiculous word you've cooked up. You are not "involuntarily celibate"; let's get that shit out of the way right now. You are not willingly abstaining from sex for religious or moral reasons. "Involuntary" denotes that your lack of a sex life is as beyond your control as your heart muscle, and that's demonstrably, patently bullshit. What you are is insecure, immature, lazy, and selfish.
Second, no, this is not going to be a "take a shower/work out/quit playing video games all day" post, either. Although in many of your cases, taking a shower would certainly be an improvement (yes, I realize the shower is on the first floor of your mother's house and your basement has no elevator, but hey, you gotta put in a little effort, here). This is going to be the raw truth of why you are in your current situation, and how to get out.
Let's start with the "celibate" part. You are not celibate, so much as completely unfuckable (we'll get to the reasons for that in a minute). If a reasonable facsimilie of Jessica Alba walked up to you naked and asked you to fuck her, you would not be able to get your pants down fast enough. That isn't "celibacy" in any sense of the term. You want to have sex, and you are fully willing to have sex if the opportunity presents itself. There just isn't one.
Why? Simple. It's the same reason you're not a star athlete, famous musician, actor, or even a politician. And no, it isn't lack of looks, talent or a good resumé. Plenty of actors, athletes and musicians are famous, ugly and fucking terrible at what they do. And Donald Trump just proved you can be literally the stupidest, most unqualified person in the room and still get the job.
But even the dumbest, most untalented piece of garbage on your TV or radio gets more tail than you because unlike you, they don't expect said tail to fall into their lap purely because they happen to have a dick (even Trump goes out and grabs pussy). They take the risk of going out there and pursuing what they want rather than setting a trap for it and hoping it's just as stupid as they are.
You want tail? Then you have to get out of your mother's basement now and then and actually go out and look for it. Put in some goddamned effort. And no, I don't mean effort into your looks. Again, Donald Trump has proven you can look like something left in a dumpster outside a taxidermist's office and still marry three gorgeous women. The kind of effort you have to put in is all in your attitude. Because that is your problem. Your entire mindset is completely unfuckable.
When I used to think I was straight -- before I realized that while some men were okay in the brain and maybe the face, everything from the neck down was like throwing a bucket of icewater on a cozy campfire -- the boys I found pretty or even intellectually attractive all had one thing in common: positive attitudes. They were funny, upbeat, genuinely good-hearted people. They didn't have to disparage anybody else, either. They didn't have to talk shit about "normies" or "chads." Nor were they "pick-up artists." They were regular goddamn people.
Guess what? Many of them that I knew in high school are happily married now.
What's their secret? It's twofold. Fold the First is they aren't obsessed with sticking their dick in a warm hole. Fold the Second is they have the basic human decency to see women as more than life support systems for the aforementioned warm holes. The reason you guys get no action is because women can tell you're interested in exactly one thing no matter how much you think you hide it. We know because you all give us the same look my cat does when I have a plate of sushi in my hand. My cat is far more mature about it, though.
Having a romantic partner is all a matter of leaving your comfort zone and not being a predatory douchenozzle. And every minute you call yourselves "incels" you're doing both. You are refusing to face the possibility of rejection because your ego has all the integrity of a used dryer sheet, and you are quite literally being a douchenozzle. And a defective one at that. An object whose sole purpose is to be shoved into a vagina, and you can't even get that part right.
You want a girlfriend? You want women to think you're worthy of a chance? Then you need to grow the fuck up and have an attitude deserving of us.
Stop blaming everyone else for why you feel like shit. It's not society's fault. It's not women's fault. It's not "chad's" fault. It's your own goddamn fault because you have a defeatist outlook on your life, thus your entire situation is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Stop thinking of yourself as a "king" who has "had your kingdom stolen from you" by feminism/The Enlightement/whatever. You were never a king. And if you had lived before The Enlightenment, you would have likely been a serf anyway.
Stop thinking of sex as a) something you must have and b) something you're entitled to. Women don't owe you shit, kiddo. You won't die without it, and sex toys have been a thing since ancient Greece, so if you really need to relieve your "urges" there are ways to get around the whole not-having-a-willing-partner thing.
Stop thinking of women as your combination sex doll and babysitter. You're a grown-ass adult, so act like it. You are responsible for your mood and your outlook on life. Nobody else is. Women exist for reasons other than your petty, selfish amusement.
Stop thinking of women as all whores/sluts/evil bitches/etc. who are not deserving of your dick even though you want to stick it in us so bad it's torn a hole in your pants. In fact? If you hate women as much as your Reddit posts indicate, you'd be better off finding something that isn't a fellow human to bust your nuts in. You don't have to risk breeding, and nobody else need put up with your loser ass. Everyone wins.
The reason "normies" get laid and you don't is because "normies" actually put in the effort both at meeting other people and at being enjoyable to hang around. You lazy skid marks in the underwear of humanity do the dating equivalent of whipping out your dick and telling us "it ain't gonna suck itself."
No shit, kiddo. Of course it won't suck itself. We invented the penis pump for a reason.
First, I refuse to acknowledge or normalize your rhetoric by calling you that ridiculous word you've cooked up. You are not "involuntarily celibate"; let's get that shit out of the way right now. You are not willingly abstaining from sex for religious or moral reasons. "Involuntary" denotes that your lack of a sex life is as beyond your control as your heart muscle, and that's demonstrably, patently bullshit. What you are is insecure, immature, lazy, and selfish.
Second, no, this is not going to be a "take a shower/work out/quit playing video games all day" post, either. Although in many of your cases, taking a shower would certainly be an improvement (yes, I realize the shower is on the first floor of your mother's house and your basement has no elevator, but hey, you gotta put in a little effort, here). This is going to be the raw truth of why you are in your current situation, and how to get out.
Let's start with the "celibate" part. You are not celibate, so much as completely unfuckable (we'll get to the reasons for that in a minute). If a reasonable facsimilie of Jessica Alba walked up to you naked and asked you to fuck her, you would not be able to get your pants down fast enough. That isn't "celibacy" in any sense of the term. You want to have sex, and you are fully willing to have sex if the opportunity presents itself. There just isn't one.
Why? Simple. It's the same reason you're not a star athlete, famous musician, actor, or even a politician. And no, it isn't lack of looks, talent or a good resumé. Plenty of actors, athletes and musicians are famous, ugly and fucking terrible at what they do. And Donald Trump just proved you can be literally the stupidest, most unqualified person in the room and still get the job.
But even the dumbest, most untalented piece of garbage on your TV or radio gets more tail than you because unlike you, they don't expect said tail to fall into their lap purely because they happen to have a dick (even Trump goes out and grabs pussy). They take the risk of going out there and pursuing what they want rather than setting a trap for it and hoping it's just as stupid as they are.
You want tail? Then you have to get out of your mother's basement now and then and actually go out and look for it. Put in some goddamned effort. And no, I don't mean effort into your looks. Again, Donald Trump has proven you can look like something left in a dumpster outside a taxidermist's office and still marry three gorgeous women. The kind of effort you have to put in is all in your attitude. Because that is your problem. Your entire mindset is completely unfuckable.
When I used to think I was straight -- before I realized that while some men were okay in the brain and maybe the face, everything from the neck down was like throwing a bucket of icewater on a cozy campfire -- the boys I found pretty or even intellectually attractive all had one thing in common: positive attitudes. They were funny, upbeat, genuinely good-hearted people. They didn't have to disparage anybody else, either. They didn't have to talk shit about "normies" or "chads." Nor were they "pick-up artists." They were regular goddamn people.
Guess what? Many of them that I knew in high school are happily married now.
What's their secret? It's twofold. Fold the First is they aren't obsessed with sticking their dick in a warm hole. Fold the Second is they have the basic human decency to see women as more than life support systems for the aforementioned warm holes. The reason you guys get no action is because women can tell you're interested in exactly one thing no matter how much you think you hide it. We know because you all give us the same look my cat does when I have a plate of sushi in my hand. My cat is far more mature about it, though.
Having a romantic partner is all a matter of leaving your comfort zone and not being a predatory douchenozzle. And every minute you call yourselves "incels" you're doing both. You are refusing to face the possibility of rejection because your ego has all the integrity of a used dryer sheet, and you are quite literally being a douchenozzle. And a defective one at that. An object whose sole purpose is to be shoved into a vagina, and you can't even get that part right.
You want a girlfriend? You want women to think you're worthy of a chance? Then you need to grow the fuck up and have an attitude deserving of us.
Stop blaming everyone else for why you feel like shit. It's not society's fault. It's not women's fault. It's not "chad's" fault. It's your own goddamn fault because you have a defeatist outlook on your life, thus your entire situation is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Stop thinking of yourself as a "king" who has "had your kingdom stolen from you" by feminism/The Enlightement/whatever. You were never a king. And if you had lived before The Enlightenment, you would have likely been a serf anyway.
Stop thinking of sex as a) something you must have and b) something you're entitled to. Women don't owe you shit, kiddo. You won't die without it, and sex toys have been a thing since ancient Greece, so if you really need to relieve your "urges" there are ways to get around the whole not-having-a-willing-partner thing.
Stop thinking of women as your combination sex doll and babysitter. You're a grown-ass adult, so act like it. You are responsible for your mood and your outlook on life. Nobody else is. Women exist for reasons other than your petty, selfish amusement.
Stop thinking of women as all whores/sluts/evil bitches/etc. who are not deserving of your dick even though you want to stick it in us so bad it's torn a hole in your pants. In fact? If you hate women as much as your Reddit posts indicate, you'd be better off finding something that isn't a fellow human to bust your nuts in. You don't have to risk breeding, and nobody else need put up with your loser ass. Everyone wins.
The reason "normies" get laid and you don't is because "normies" actually put in the effort both at meeting other people and at being enjoyable to hang around. You lazy skid marks in the underwear of humanity do the dating equivalent of whipping out your dick and telling us "it ain't gonna suck itself."
No shit, kiddo. Of course it won't suck itself. We invented the penis pump for a reason.
Thursday, December 29, 2016
6 More Signs of a Toxic Friendship: Covert Ops
In my previous installment, I clued you guys in to 6 signs your best friend might be an asshole. And as I noted in that post, there are, in fact, way more than 6 ways to do it. Some assholes are a lot sneakier about their behavior, and won't be quite as blatant about the motives. At least not at first.
Some Toxic Assholes are more like Special Forces than first-line infantry. They use a much less overt strategy for extracting supply so as to avoid detection, because we're generally familiar with the more boisterous narcissists. But once you know the pattern, you can figure these people out before they have a chance to do you real harm.
So I'm presenting to you 6 more signs of a toxic friendship, with a lot more subtlety:
1. Their Sob Story Brings Everyone to the Yard (Damn Right, It's Always Better Than Yours)
Some people really are the fire hydrants in the dog park of life. But like actual dog parks, those fire hydrants are exceedingly rare. For the Toxic Asshole, life is just that; they are a special and uniquely abused person such that absolutely nobody can understand their pain because they have suffered more than your puny mind could ever imagine. Whatever problems you may have, they have more. If you had a bad day, they had a worse one. At all times there is an Olympic-level contest for Most Shat Upon Person On Earth, and they always take home a gold.
Guys? Real people who have had actual shitty lives don't do this, for a very simple reason; those experiences were fucking awful and they don't like talking about them for literally no goddamned reason. There is shame, vulnerability, grief, and bitterness in spades, and people who have experienced these events don't want to relive them. They certainly don't view them as bragging rights.
The Toxic Asshole, on the other hand, sees having a shitty life as a status symbol. Something that makes them better than everyone else in the room. They will use their supposedly Dark and Troubled Past to gain your sympathy and to shield themselves from criticism, and as a bonus, they get to make you look like the asshole while they wear the Holy Halo of Victimhood. It's a perfect setup to milk all the attention until they're like a weepier, whinier Jabba the Hutt.
Now of course, nobody decent wants to assume that a person is lying out their ass when they talk about awful shit that happened to them, so that kind of puts us in a tight spot; if they're telling the truth, we'll feel pretty guilty for dismissing it as attention-grabbing, and frankly it'll make us no better than the people who defend actors and athletes instead of the people they assault.
Which is why it's important to remember that what distinguishes an actual fire hydrant in the dog park of life from the puddle of piss at the base of said fire hydrant is the person's behavior, not their history. If they're talking about what happened to them in order to make you feel less alone, and to reassure you that it's possible to face something horrific and still come out okay the other side? Not an asshole.
If, on the contrary, they talk about what happened to them in order to dismiss and downplay whatever has happened to you? Definitely an asshole. That's a dick move, no matter how you slice it.
2. They Constantly Inform You of Their Virtues
Genuinely empathetic, caring, generous, sensitive people don't have to tell you how empathetic, generous, sensitive and caring they are; they'll show you. Toxic Assholes will do the exact reverse. They'll tell you, every chance they get, how they're such honest people and how much they care about everybody and put themselves last, but their behavior will not line up.
They'll claim to love honesty and hate fakers, but when you give them your honest opinion and it's something they don't want to hear, they will absolutely lose their shit at you. They'll claim to be empathetic to a fault, but they can't seem to tell that their behavior is hurtful to you. They'll claim to be sensitive and always aware of the mood of a room, but for some reason they're unable to determine when you're stressed the hell out and need them to shut up for a while. They'll claim to be generous and giving, but you find they beg for gifts and money far more often than they bestow them.
They do this so you'll have a harder time believing what you see and experience, and so that other people are less likely to believe you as well. Particularly if they didn't witness anything shitty. It's a much more subtle form of gaslighting, in that you'll remember what they've said they are and internalize it through constant repetition, so that whenever they do something cruel, you'll blame yourself first. I mean, you know they're such nice people, they wouldn't do this without a reason, right?
It's a far sneakier technique than people realize, and some assholes are so frighteningly good at it they can keep the charade up for years (the one in my life, fortunately, wasn't the sharpest spork in the drawer, so it didn't take as long as it could have to figure out her game). But at the end of the day, the proof is in the pudding. If they're constantly informing you of virtues that their actions don't support, you're dealing with a Toxic Asshole.
3. They "Hate Drama" (But It Follows Them Around Like Nancy Drew)
Like #2, this goes in the "informed virtues" column, but deserves its own entry because the way it plays out is slightly different. It's perfectly possible for people who aren't toxic to get embroiled in drama all the time because they have lousy taste in friends (particularly if they were raised by Toxic Asshole parents, so they don't realize that that level of drama and chaos in a circle of friends isn't normal or healthy). But again, somebody who actually hates drama at the very least doesn't try their damnedest to make it worse.
A Toxic Asshole is the eye of a perpetual shitstorm. Drama doesn't just happen to them; it follows them, envelops them, and tears up everything around them while they remain that calm, smugly smiling center complaining about how they're always getting caught up in other people's shit. When in reality, they're the ones holding the spoon.
These types of assholes will invariably have a string of friendships and relationships that crashed and burned like a Michael Bay movie, and all you need to do is look at the common link between every single one.
It's particularly easy to tell because the Toxic Asshole won't ever shut up about it. They will rehash the story over and over and over again, often "remembering" embellishments they'd never mentioned before (especially if they're telling it to a new source of narcissistic supply). Because they hate drama the way a heroin junkie hates needles. It's a mildly annoying tool they use in order to get their attention fix.
4. They Swallowed the DSM Whole
I need to add a disclaimer to this part: mental illnesses are very much a real thing (street cred: I was diagnosed with major depression two years ago and am on medication for it). And being interested in psychiatry as a hobby is also a real and very harmless thing. These by themselves have nothing to do with being a Toxic Asshole.
This point is again related to #1, but deserves its own special mention because the way it plays out may be slightly different. It's very, very common for Toxic Assholes to be armchair psychiatrists and diagnose not just themselves, but their victims. Ironically, they will often accuse victims who have seen through their bullshit and walked away of being narcissists or "crazy."
This is, of course, a combination of projection and gaslighting. It's their attempt to make you doubt yourself and take the blame, and make you wonder if you're really the problem. If this has happened to you? Let me assure you right now that if you've thought about your behavior for any length of time, combing through your actions and motives for traits of narcissism and feel sick at the thought it might be true, you are not a narcissist. Narcissists don't have that level of self-awareness or ability to examine their own behavior, since the crux of the entire disorder is that they are infallible, perfect beings.
Toxic Assholes will also self-diagnose, and the more alphabet soup labels they can pile onto themselves, the better. They do it for a couple of reasons: 1) uniqueness, specialness 2) it gives them something to blame for any shitty behavior they get called on (the asshole in my life who inspired these posts diagnosed herself with bipolar, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, and at least two others that I forgot). But funnily enough, they'll never self-diagnose with narcissistic personality disorder.
On the surface, they'll even seem very knowledgeable on the subject. But their understanding of the material is shallow at best; they can only draw superficial correlations, and they refuse to pick up on the nuances of any of the disorders they claim they or others have. They're only interested in regurgitating information to sound smarter than you. An intellectual smokescreen to hide the fact they know they have no idea what they're on about.
5. They Fish For Validation
Because Toxic Assholes have no idea how friends, people and emotions work, they are constantly pushing you to see how much you can take. One of their favorite little tests is false humility: putting themselves down in order to get you to disagree and praise them.
Now, there are people out there who have self-deprecating tendencies and aren't Toxic Assholes; again, the difference is pretty telling. Someone who genuinely thinks horrible shit about themselves is not likely to scream it from the rooftops the way the Toxic Asshole does, and somebody who uses self-deprecation strictly for humor is going to smile and laugh when they do it to let everyone know they're not serious (because in order to use it as humor, these types have learned to laugh at themselves).
The Toxic Asshole, by contrast, does the very weird combination of being totally humorless about how terrible they are while at the same time laying it on thick to the point of farce. And being the empathetic, wonderful people-pleaser you are, you fall right into the trap of counteracting their Woe Is Me with praise and reassurance of how great they are and how lucky you feel to call them a friend. Just as they planned it.
This accomplishes two goals. Goal the First is that it lets them draw their supply from you with very little effort, because you're all too eager to give it up. Goal the Second is that it builds the narrative of them being such a put-upon mistreated victim, and when the going gets rough they can claim you're Just Like All the Others and skip off into the sunset with their next schmoe.
Maya Angelou put it best: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." When the Toxic Asshole starts going on and on about how they're a shit friend and everyone eventually figures that out and leaves them, take it as the giant double hurricane flag it is and get the fuck out of there. Because there is literally no reason that someone who isn't a Toxic Asshole would say that (see #3).
6. They Make You Apologize For Calling Them Out
This is the granddaddy of all moves in the covert Toxic Asshole's playbook. A kind of confrontational judo where you bring up a grievance with their behavior, and before you know it you're apologizing for hurting their feelings. And you don't even realize it because they've thrown your footing off so hard you forgot what your own complaint was about. The hardest-to-spot Toxic Assholes are fucking masters at this particular brand of bullshit.
If there is one thing that will make the mask slip and the Toxic Asshole lose their shit faster than 0.5 past lightspeed, it's being called out on something they did. And the easiest way for them to restore the rightful order of their bizarro world is to make you say you're sorry for disrupting their delusion.
There are many ways of doing this, and they're all carefully honed from observing your own weaknesses over time. Some of the most common are sulking/silent treatment, agreeing with you in an over-the-top manner and declaring themselves unworthy of friendship, threatening self-harm or suicide, and dragging a third party into the crossfire. No matter the method, they all play on the same thing, with the same goal: making you feel guilty for speaking up.
That's really the aim of the covert Toxic Asshole. They want to make you so guilty and afraid of upsetting them that you stay and do their bidding because it's less painful than the consequences. As with their more easily detected counterparts, the strategy is the same.
Walk away. Block on social media. Do not engage. No Contact.
Once they've shown you what they are, believe them.
Some Toxic Assholes are more like Special Forces than first-line infantry. They use a much less overt strategy for extracting supply so as to avoid detection, because we're generally familiar with the more boisterous narcissists. But once you know the pattern, you can figure these people out before they have a chance to do you real harm.
So I'm presenting to you 6 more signs of a toxic friendship, with a lot more subtlety:
1. Their Sob Story Brings Everyone to the Yard (Damn Right, It's Always Better Than Yours)
Some people really are the fire hydrants in the dog park of life. But like actual dog parks, those fire hydrants are exceedingly rare. For the Toxic Asshole, life is just that; they are a special and uniquely abused person such that absolutely nobody can understand their pain because they have suffered more than your puny mind could ever imagine. Whatever problems you may have, they have more. If you had a bad day, they had a worse one. At all times there is an Olympic-level contest for Most Shat Upon Person On Earth, and they always take home a gold.
Guys? Real people who have had actual shitty lives don't do this, for a very simple reason; those experiences were fucking awful and they don't like talking about them for literally no goddamned reason. There is shame, vulnerability, grief, and bitterness in spades, and people who have experienced these events don't want to relive them. They certainly don't view them as bragging rights.
The Toxic Asshole, on the other hand, sees having a shitty life as a status symbol. Something that makes them better than everyone else in the room. They will use their supposedly Dark and Troubled Past to gain your sympathy and to shield themselves from criticism, and as a bonus, they get to make you look like the asshole while they wear the Holy Halo of Victimhood. It's a perfect setup to milk all the attention until they're like a weepier, whinier Jabba the Hutt.
Now of course, nobody decent wants to assume that a person is lying out their ass when they talk about awful shit that happened to them, so that kind of puts us in a tight spot; if they're telling the truth, we'll feel pretty guilty for dismissing it as attention-grabbing, and frankly it'll make us no better than the people who defend actors and athletes instead of the people they assault.
Which is why it's important to remember that what distinguishes an actual fire hydrant in the dog park of life from the puddle of piss at the base of said fire hydrant is the person's behavior, not their history. If they're talking about what happened to them in order to make you feel less alone, and to reassure you that it's possible to face something horrific and still come out okay the other side? Not an asshole.
If, on the contrary, they talk about what happened to them in order to dismiss and downplay whatever has happened to you? Definitely an asshole. That's a dick move, no matter how you slice it.
2. They Constantly Inform You of Their Virtues
Genuinely empathetic, caring, generous, sensitive people don't have to tell you how empathetic, generous, sensitive and caring they are; they'll show you. Toxic Assholes will do the exact reverse. They'll tell you, every chance they get, how they're such honest people and how much they care about everybody and put themselves last, but their behavior will not line up.
They'll claim to love honesty and hate fakers, but when you give them your honest opinion and it's something they don't want to hear, they will absolutely lose their shit at you. They'll claim to be empathetic to a fault, but they can't seem to tell that their behavior is hurtful to you. They'll claim to be sensitive and always aware of the mood of a room, but for some reason they're unable to determine when you're stressed the hell out and need them to shut up for a while. They'll claim to be generous and giving, but you find they beg for gifts and money far more often than they bestow them.
They do this so you'll have a harder time believing what you see and experience, and so that other people are less likely to believe you as well. Particularly if they didn't witness anything shitty. It's a much more subtle form of gaslighting, in that you'll remember what they've said they are and internalize it through constant repetition, so that whenever they do something cruel, you'll blame yourself first. I mean, you know they're such nice people, they wouldn't do this without a reason, right?
It's a far sneakier technique than people realize, and some assholes are so frighteningly good at it they can keep the charade up for years (the one in my life, fortunately, wasn't the sharpest spork in the drawer, so it didn't take as long as it could have to figure out her game). But at the end of the day, the proof is in the pudding. If they're constantly informing you of virtues that their actions don't support, you're dealing with a Toxic Asshole.
3. They "Hate Drama" (But It Follows Them Around Like Nancy Drew)
Like #2, this goes in the "informed virtues" column, but deserves its own entry because the way it plays out is slightly different. It's perfectly possible for people who aren't toxic to get embroiled in drama all the time because they have lousy taste in friends (particularly if they were raised by Toxic Asshole parents, so they don't realize that that level of drama and chaos in a circle of friends isn't normal or healthy). But again, somebody who actually hates drama at the very least doesn't try their damnedest to make it worse.
A Toxic Asshole is the eye of a perpetual shitstorm. Drama doesn't just happen to them; it follows them, envelops them, and tears up everything around them while they remain that calm, smugly smiling center complaining about how they're always getting caught up in other people's shit. When in reality, they're the ones holding the spoon.
These types of assholes will invariably have a string of friendships and relationships that crashed and burned like a Michael Bay movie, and all you need to do is look at the common link between every single one.
It's particularly easy to tell because the Toxic Asshole won't ever shut up about it. They will rehash the story over and over and over again, often "remembering" embellishments they'd never mentioned before (especially if they're telling it to a new source of narcissistic supply). Because they hate drama the way a heroin junkie hates needles. It's a mildly annoying tool they use in order to get their attention fix.
4. They Swallowed the DSM Whole
I need to add a disclaimer to this part: mental illnesses are very much a real thing (street cred: I was diagnosed with major depression two years ago and am on medication for it). And being interested in psychiatry as a hobby is also a real and very harmless thing. These by themselves have nothing to do with being a Toxic Asshole.
This point is again related to #1, but deserves its own special mention because the way it plays out may be slightly different. It's very, very common for Toxic Assholes to be armchair psychiatrists and diagnose not just themselves, but their victims. Ironically, they will often accuse victims who have seen through their bullshit and walked away of being narcissists or "crazy."
This is, of course, a combination of projection and gaslighting. It's their attempt to make you doubt yourself and take the blame, and make you wonder if you're really the problem. If this has happened to you? Let me assure you right now that if you've thought about your behavior for any length of time, combing through your actions and motives for traits of narcissism and feel sick at the thought it might be true, you are not a narcissist. Narcissists don't have that level of self-awareness or ability to examine their own behavior, since the crux of the entire disorder is that they are infallible, perfect beings.
Toxic Assholes will also self-diagnose, and the more alphabet soup labels they can pile onto themselves, the better. They do it for a couple of reasons: 1) uniqueness, specialness 2) it gives them something to blame for any shitty behavior they get called on (the asshole in my life who inspired these posts diagnosed herself with bipolar, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, and at least two others that I forgot). But funnily enough, they'll never self-diagnose with narcissistic personality disorder.
On the surface, they'll even seem very knowledgeable on the subject. But their understanding of the material is shallow at best; they can only draw superficial correlations, and they refuse to pick up on the nuances of any of the disorders they claim they or others have. They're only interested in regurgitating information to sound smarter than you. An intellectual smokescreen to hide the fact they know they have no idea what they're on about.
5. They Fish For Validation
Because Toxic Assholes have no idea how friends, people and emotions work, they are constantly pushing you to see how much you can take. One of their favorite little tests is false humility: putting themselves down in order to get you to disagree and praise them.
Now, there are people out there who have self-deprecating tendencies and aren't Toxic Assholes; again, the difference is pretty telling. Someone who genuinely thinks horrible shit about themselves is not likely to scream it from the rooftops the way the Toxic Asshole does, and somebody who uses self-deprecation strictly for humor is going to smile and laugh when they do it to let everyone know they're not serious (because in order to use it as humor, these types have learned to laugh at themselves).
The Toxic Asshole, by contrast, does the very weird combination of being totally humorless about how terrible they are while at the same time laying it on thick to the point of farce. And being the empathetic, wonderful people-pleaser you are, you fall right into the trap of counteracting their Woe Is Me with praise and reassurance of how great they are and how lucky you feel to call them a friend. Just as they planned it.
This accomplishes two goals. Goal the First is that it lets them draw their supply from you with very little effort, because you're all too eager to give it up. Goal the Second is that it builds the narrative of them being such a put-upon mistreated victim, and when the going gets rough they can claim you're Just Like All the Others and skip off into the sunset with their next schmoe.
Maya Angelou put it best: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." When the Toxic Asshole starts going on and on about how they're a shit friend and everyone eventually figures that out and leaves them, take it as the giant double hurricane flag it is and get the fuck out of there. Because there is literally no reason that someone who isn't a Toxic Asshole would say that (see #3).
6. They Make You Apologize For Calling Them Out
This is the granddaddy of all moves in the covert Toxic Asshole's playbook. A kind of confrontational judo where you bring up a grievance with their behavior, and before you know it you're apologizing for hurting their feelings. And you don't even realize it because they've thrown your footing off so hard you forgot what your own complaint was about. The hardest-to-spot Toxic Assholes are fucking masters at this particular brand of bullshit.
If there is one thing that will make the mask slip and the Toxic Asshole lose their shit faster than 0.5 past lightspeed, it's being called out on something they did. And the easiest way for them to restore the rightful order of their bizarro world is to make you say you're sorry for disrupting their delusion.
There are many ways of doing this, and they're all carefully honed from observing your own weaknesses over time. Some of the most common are sulking/silent treatment, agreeing with you in an over-the-top manner and declaring themselves unworthy of friendship, threatening self-harm or suicide, and dragging a third party into the crossfire. No matter the method, they all play on the same thing, with the same goal: making you feel guilty for speaking up.
That's really the aim of the covert Toxic Asshole. They want to make you so guilty and afraid of upsetting them that you stay and do their bidding because it's less painful than the consequences. As with their more easily detected counterparts, the strategy is the same.
Walk away. Block on social media. Do not engage. No Contact.
Once they've shown you what they are, believe them.
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
I'm Confused, You Say "Liberal" Like It's a Bad Thing
Few things crack me up about angry conservatives more than their use of "liberal" as an insult to people like me. It's no more insulting than calling me a brunette. Or short. Or Italian. It's what I am. If you're trying to turn what I am into a thing to insult me with, then you need to go back to kindergarten and re-learn how to be mean, because you're doing it all wrong.
Liberals believe in equality in all its forms. Economic equality. Gender equality. Marriage equality. Racial equality. Liberals want everyone to have the same starting point, so that one group doesn't have to work ten times as hard for the same paycheck. Liberals want everyone to enjoy the same rights, respect, and humanity. Liberals want a system that works because everyone benefits from it. A world where there are no losers.
So the fact you think you can insult me by calling me a compassionate, realistic person who doesn't want anybody to be left behind? That is fucking hilarious.
What rural white straight Christian America needs to realize is that progressives are, in fact, working to improve their lives as well. Progressive policies will put a fuck of a lot more money and power and freedom in their pockets than conservative ones will. But there's one little catch: we're not going to do it at the expense of minorities. You want a piece of the pie? You have to make exactly one concession. And that concession is to respect the rights of everyone else at the table.
But that, unfortunately, is where we keep losing them. These are people drunk on hatred, violence and ignorance. Stoned out of their goddamned minds on it. They will not let go of it for anything, and like the Skinner box rat, they will ignore the food lever and pull the drug lever until they all drop dead.
And no, before any conservative assumes what I'm about to say next, I don't want that to happen. I would much rather see them come to their senses and get on board the train that isn't heading straight for a fucking cliff. But if they're going to insist on being lost causes, then there is literally nothing anyone can do to get them out of that box and away from that lever. You can't help an addict that doesn't want to quit. You can't make an intelligent peacemaker out of someone who likes being an ignorant, hateful bigot.
The only reason progressives will leave you behind is because you give us no goddamn choice. We have far more important shit to do and far more pressing problems to fix. We can't sit around and waste time coddling your feelings when people on this train are dying. And it's frankly a long enough train that if you get your shit together, you can hop on at any point.
So you want a slice of the pie? You make that concession. It's your turn to sacrifice something for once. We're out of time, out of options, and out of fucks.
Liberals believe in equality in all its forms. Economic equality. Gender equality. Marriage equality. Racial equality. Liberals want everyone to have the same starting point, so that one group doesn't have to work ten times as hard for the same paycheck. Liberals want everyone to enjoy the same rights, respect, and humanity. Liberals want a system that works because everyone benefits from it. A world where there are no losers.
So the fact you think you can insult me by calling me a compassionate, realistic person who doesn't want anybody to be left behind? That is fucking hilarious.
What rural white straight Christian America needs to realize is that progressives are, in fact, working to improve their lives as well. Progressive policies will put a fuck of a lot more money and power and freedom in their pockets than conservative ones will. But there's one little catch: we're not going to do it at the expense of minorities. You want a piece of the pie? You have to make exactly one concession. And that concession is to respect the rights of everyone else at the table.
But that, unfortunately, is where we keep losing them. These are people drunk on hatred, violence and ignorance. Stoned out of their goddamned minds on it. They will not let go of it for anything, and like the Skinner box rat, they will ignore the food lever and pull the drug lever until they all drop dead.
And no, before any conservative assumes what I'm about to say next, I don't want that to happen. I would much rather see them come to their senses and get on board the train that isn't heading straight for a fucking cliff. But if they're going to insist on being lost causes, then there is literally nothing anyone can do to get them out of that box and away from that lever. You can't help an addict that doesn't want to quit. You can't make an intelligent peacemaker out of someone who likes being an ignorant, hateful bigot.
The only reason progressives will leave you behind is because you give us no goddamn choice. We have far more important shit to do and far more pressing problems to fix. We can't sit around and waste time coddling your feelings when people on this train are dying. And it's frankly a long enough train that if you get your shit together, you can hop on at any point.
So you want a slice of the pie? You make that concession. It's your turn to sacrifice something for once. We're out of time, out of options, and out of fucks.
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
The Other Conversation About Mental Illness Nobody Wants to Have
As much as I love that we're finally having a much needed talk about mental illness, there is a highly disturbing undercurrent that I've been seeing all through the current rhetoric. In particular, around purported "support" communities on sites like Tumblr. Yeah, I know, I heard the collective groan, too. But while it's easy to dismiss Tumblr as the indie coffeeshop of the internet at which disaffected millenial hipsters gather, it's important to remember that it's a really big indie coffeeshop with 550 million users (almost 380 million of which are millenials, and this is going back to 2015). Thus, it's a significant influence, however dumb it may be.
And this disturbing undercurrent I've noticed is that a lot of the rhetoric around Tumblr appears to be pro-illness, and very much anti-recovery/management.
What I mean by this is that anytime a user brings up information or advice on how to get back to living, invariably somebody will barge in calling it "neurotypical bullshit" and not-so-subtlely implying that if you can function, you're not really ill. And that commentary will get shared and reblogged far more widely than the original advice.
As someone with diagnosed major depression and on medication for it, I can't even begin to tell you how fucking dangerous this is. And it's the conversation everyone seems to want to shut down.
Because from what I can gather, these Tumblr types are treating being mentally ill the same as they treat being LGBT or brown or some other born-with-it attribute that's perfectly normal. Thus, any attempt to manage the symptoms of a mental illness is seen as "changing who you are" on the order of ex-gay therapy or some shit.
And well, let's just say there's a reason we call them mental illnesses instead of mental personality traits or mental superpowers. These disorders are not a normal and healthy part of the human experience like homosexuality is; they are, in fact, serious problems whose symptoms need to be managed so that the patient can lead as full and happy a life as possible. And that is not achieved by outright encouraging maladaptive and dangerous behaviors and shitty coping mechanisms, while rejecting any attempts at symptom management as "ableism."
It's especially prevalent against the simplest of advice. For instance, a very common piece of (hella good) advice for people with disorders that encourage isolation and stagnation (depression, various anxiety disorders, avoidant personality disorder, etc.) is as simple as making yourself get bathed and dressed in the morning and doing simple maintenance on your living space (wash the dishes, take out the trash/recycling, etc.).
I can tell you firsthand this is important as hell; depression in my case makes me feel sluggish and worthless and it's very easy to get into a rut of "fuck it" and spend all day housebound and still in my pyjamas. Because I have so little energy or desire to expend it, that going out to do what needs done feels like I'm being told to climb Everest. Forcing myself to get washed and dressed first thing in the morning gets me over that hurdle. It prevents me from curling up in that ditch and turning off the world.
This is not a "bootstraps" argument. Getting dressed in the morning does not cure depression, nor does being able to get dressed in the morning mean I don't still have it. What it means is that I've made it over a very important hurdle very early in the day, so if I have to do something else that requires pants? I'll be less likely to shirk the task because hey, already got pants! But to the Tumblr crowd, this is "internalized ableism" because having depression is something I can't control and the rest of the world should understand that.
Welp, allow me to answer in a way they'll be able to process it:
And this disturbing undercurrent I've noticed is that a lot of the rhetoric around Tumblr appears to be pro-illness, and very much anti-recovery/management.
What I mean by this is that anytime a user brings up information or advice on how to get back to living, invariably somebody will barge in calling it "neurotypical bullshit" and not-so-subtlely implying that if you can function, you're not really ill. And that commentary will get shared and reblogged far more widely than the original advice.
As someone with diagnosed major depression and on medication for it, I can't even begin to tell you how fucking dangerous this is. And it's the conversation everyone seems to want to shut down.
Because from what I can gather, these Tumblr types are treating being mentally ill the same as they treat being LGBT or brown or some other born-with-it attribute that's perfectly normal. Thus, any attempt to manage the symptoms of a mental illness is seen as "changing who you are" on the order of ex-gay therapy or some shit.
And well, let's just say there's a reason we call them mental illnesses instead of mental personality traits or mental superpowers. These disorders are not a normal and healthy part of the human experience like homosexuality is; they are, in fact, serious problems whose symptoms need to be managed so that the patient can lead as full and happy a life as possible. And that is not achieved by outright encouraging maladaptive and dangerous behaviors and shitty coping mechanisms, while rejecting any attempts at symptom management as "ableism."
It's especially prevalent against the simplest of advice. For instance, a very common piece of (hella good) advice for people with disorders that encourage isolation and stagnation (depression, various anxiety disorders, avoidant personality disorder, etc.) is as simple as making yourself get bathed and dressed in the morning and doing simple maintenance on your living space (wash the dishes, take out the trash/recycling, etc.).
I can tell you firsthand this is important as hell; depression in my case makes me feel sluggish and worthless and it's very easy to get into a rut of "fuck it" and spend all day housebound and still in my pyjamas. Because I have so little energy or desire to expend it, that going out to do what needs done feels like I'm being told to climb Everest. Forcing myself to get washed and dressed first thing in the morning gets me over that hurdle. It prevents me from curling up in that ditch and turning off the world.
This is not a "bootstraps" argument. Getting dressed in the morning does not cure depression, nor does being able to get dressed in the morning mean I don't still have it. What it means is that I've made it over a very important hurdle very early in the day, so if I have to do something else that requires pants? I'll be less likely to shirk the task because hey, already got pants! But to the Tumblr crowd, this is "internalized ableism" because having depression is something I can't control and the rest of the world should understand that.
Welp, allow me to answer in a way they'll be able to process it:
Because again, depression is not a personality trait. It's a mental illness. It has symptoms which adversely affect daily life, and those symptoms need to be managed. Not to achieve some arbitrary definition of "normal" but because the symptoms of depression are highly unpleasant themselves. Managing them is part of feeling better and happier.
Encouraging other people to engage in harmful behavior patterns because you personally like using your all too often self-misdiagnosed alphabet soup mental illness as an excuse to get out of doing shit you don't want to do? That is ableism. Worse, actually.
We need to have frank discussions about mental illness because we need it to be seen as an illness rather than a character flaw. What these Tumblr types are doing is exactly the opposite; they are treating the illness as a character trait that cannot and should not be changed and overcome.
That is not the conversation we need to be having. Please, cut it the fuck out.
Monday, November 14, 2016
We Already Understand White Rust Belt Voters
The day before today,One day, making tracks
In the prairie of Prax,
Came a North-Going Zax
And a South-Going Zax.
And it happened that both of them came to a place
Where they bumped. There they stood.
Foot to foot. Face to face.
“Look here, now!” the North-Going Zax said, “I say!
You are blocking my path. You are right in my way.
I’m a North-Going Zax and I always go north.
Get out of my way, now, and let me go forth!”
“Who’s in whose way?” snapped the South-Going Zax.
“I always go south, making south-going tracks.
So you’re in MY way! And I ask you to move
And let me go south in my south-going groove.”
Then the North-Going Zax puffed his chest up with pride.
“I never,” he said, “take a step to one side.
And I’ll prove to you that I won’t change my ways
If I have to keep standing here fifty-nine days!”
“And I’ll prove to YOU,” yelled the South-Going Zax,
“That I can stand here in the prairie of Prax
For fifty-nine years! For I live by a rule
That I learned as a boy back in South-Going School.
Never budge! That’s my rule. Never budge in the least!
Not an inch to the west! Not an inch to the east!
I’ll stay here, not budging! I can and I will
If it makes you and me and the whole world stand still!”
Of course the world didn’t stand still. The world grew.
In a couple of years, the new highway came through
And they built it right over those two stubborn Zax
And left them there, standing un-budged in their tracks.
-- The Zax, by Dr. Seuss (1953)
Now that the existential dread and Oh My Fucking Gods What Have We Done? stage of grief has passed, I'm back and I'm pissed the fuck off. Now starts the anger stage, and it's just going to keep on keeping on from there.
So to start this one? Stop fucking telling progressives how we need to understand the rust belt and where we went wrong in not coddling and appealing to the "concerns" of rural white voters. We already understand them, way the fuck better than you do.
It's not "economic anxiety." These folks do not give a rat's sweet pink ass about their financial situation. Because if they did, they would recognize that some jackass real estate mogul from New York Fucking City who built his career by not paying his bills and playing with bankruptcy also doesn't give a rat's sweet pink ass about helping them out. They voted for him because he wants to get rid of all the people they hate. Brown people, Jews, Muslims, the disabled, LGBT...literally anyone that isn't a straight white conservative Christian.
That's not anxiety. That's bigotry. And they were all too happy to vote for it. Even the ones who voted for a black guy just four years ago. Because it's a lot easier to take out your impotent rage on someone else than to fix your own shit.
Yeah, I'm fucking going there. The reason I do not feel a single scrap of sympathy for rural white America is because literally every fucking problem they bitch about is their own fucking fault. Because they refuse to adapt to a changing world, and like permanent spoiled goddamned children, they expect to get what they want when they want it and seriously fuck everyone else's priorities.
They don't want a job. They want their old job. They want to do exactly what they were doing before, nevermind that their old job is obsolete and being done by a robot. And they refuse to learn the skillset required to get a new one, because as conservatives they don't want to change. Period. End. Like literal fucking toddlers, they are going to stamp their feet and scream and demand that candy bar at checkout no matter how many times they're told it ain't happening.
Trump just happens to be the enabling grandparent this cycle, and his promise specifically is "you will get your old life back because I will get rid of those whom you've been convinced by years of bigoted pandering bullshit are responsible for all your problems." That's a sewer into which neither John McCain nor Mitt Romney was willing to crawl; even they have standards. Trump has none.
You want to see real economic anxiety? Go to the urban core. Where people are fighting for higher wages, better education, affordable childcare, affordable housing, student loan forgiveness and more affordable college, more efficient mass transit, etc. All the shit that will actually improve their lives in a tangible way. The truly economically anxious don't blame the already marginalized for their situation; they do what they have to in order to get by. The truly economically anxious adapt.
And therein lies the difference. Rural America does not want to adapt. Rural America does not want to do what needs to be done. They want to do the same shit they've been doing and just have it magically work this time. They want the rest of the world to cater to them.
They are those two stubborn Zax, and the world is not going to stand still.
Friday, November 11, 2016
RIP America: 7/4/1776 - 11/9/2016
60 million people just screamed “I HATE YOU” at the top of their lungs. We can’t undo that. We never will. Thinking it was even possible is the white rabbit that lead us down this deep dark hole.
It’s over. There is, literally, nothing left to do. It doesn’t matter how well we organize, how qualified a candidate we put forth. There are too many people in this godforsaken lake of shit that calls itself a country who would elect the very embodiment of evil as long as he feeds their hatred. There are too many journalists who care more about perceived fairness than accuracy. There are too many people who will let perfect be the enemy of sane. There are simply far too many people who do not want a better world for everyone, only for people like themselves.
I’m done fighting. I’m done hoping. We’ve reached the end. If it’s not going to get any better, then let it fucking burn.
There is nothing left to save. May nuclear war wipe us off the fucking map before Trump makes us suffer death by a thousand cuts.
It’s over. There is, literally, nothing left to do. It doesn’t matter how well we organize, how qualified a candidate we put forth. There are too many people in this godforsaken lake of shit that calls itself a country who would elect the very embodiment of evil as long as he feeds their hatred. There are too many journalists who care more about perceived fairness than accuracy. There are too many people who will let perfect be the enemy of sane. There are simply far too many people who do not want a better world for everyone, only for people like themselves.
I’m done fighting. I’m done hoping. We’ve reached the end. If it’s not going to get any better, then let it fucking burn.
There is nothing left to save. May nuclear war wipe us off the fucking map before Trump makes us suffer death by a thousand cuts.
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