A Lame Duck Can Still Beat You With His Cane

As the GOP still refuses to take its pills and pretends Romney won the election because that's what the alien microbes that live in their cellphones told them and the alien microbes know better than everyone who isn't owned by Rupert Murdoch, they have proposed a "counteroffer" to the current administration's plan to avoid the fiscal cliff.  And the quotes are necessary because it's less like a counteroffer and more like one of Wile E. Coyote's diagrams for a jetpack powered by Chupacabra farts.

For one thing, in case you haven't heard it already, the fiscal cliff is only being referred to as such because "cliff" is a scary word that makes everyone who hates math and failed high school economics think of the ending to Thelma & Louise.  Putting a life-or-death spin on it has a funny way of getting people to listen.  In reality?  It's something we can easily survive.  Because we have before, and under very similar circumstances.

Coming out of Bush 41's one-term disaster in 1992 -- due mostly to his own party turning on him for not being half as crazy as they hoped he was -- with even the national unemployment rate only slightly lower than it is now, we took the higher tax rates for the wealthy that Clinton signed into law in stride, right along with the breaks for the middle and lower classes.  And we did more than just okay.  We did pretty damned awesome compared with what we'd just come out of.  We had a surplus.  Unemployment dropped almost three full percentage points over the next eight years.  At least until He Who Must Not Be Named started two completely unnecessary wars while telling the world we'll figure out how to pay for it later and people like Mitt Romney can game the system for as much as the Cayman Islands will hold at the expense of as many people as they want.

Going back to the Clinton-era tax rates at the moment isn't ideal, only because the tax rates for the middle class would also increase.  But it won't ruin us, either.  So we can stop acting like this is what the Mayans were on about any time.

Secondly, the "counteroffer" Boehner and his cohorts just put on the table is not only impossible, it's impossible in a way that makes the cliff look like the better option.  The cliff, while raising taxes for everyone, doesn't disembowel the programs that people who aren't rich depend on because even if they worked their minimum wage job 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, they still wouldn't have enough to cover all their bills for the month.  And the cliff doesn't gut these programs so that people like the Koch brothers and Bernie Madoff don't have to give up that sixth house in the Maldives.

Thirdly -- and I've saved the best for last -- is that if the GOP gave half the crap that they shat on Election Night about reducing the deficit as much as they pretend to, they would be flooring the gas to get over that cliff as fast as possible, because that's exactly what the cliff is going to do: reduce the deficit.

But they aren't.  They're trying, instead, to put on the brakes even if it means blowing the engine and stopping the car dead.  And the only reason they care enough to do so is because the tax hike would affect the top 1% who are supposed to line their coffers and rig the voting machines for 2014.  If the tax hike was only on the middle class, we wouldn't be having this conversation.  Also, Medicare/Medicaid, social security, and food stamps are an evil scheme to breed more gay atheist brown people to take over the country and we need to eliminate them before the Great Pumpkin and his army of Killer Tomatoes take vengeance, according to the cellphone-dwelling alien microbes.

It's a cognitive dissonance in that they're half on board the HMS Keynes, but don't want to admit it because they're afraid the captain of the Menger will give them a taste of the lash for such vile sedition.  And it'd be hilarious if it wasn't gumming up the works so much.

So, as a solution, I propose this: every single Congresscritter who agrees with John Boehner should be barred from introducing or voting on any legislation regarding the economy until they've passed the Advanced Placement Government and Economics exam with a score of 3 or higher.  If they do not pass it, their seat is recalled, and their state will hold a special election.  All candidates for these elections must also pass the Advanced Placement Government and Economics exam with a 3 or higher before they can appear on the ballot.

Because what the GOP has yet to realize is that Obama being a lame duck President doesn't mean he's lost his power; quite the opposite.  He doesn't have another election to worry about winning for the history of ever.  He doesn't have to watch his step, because he has nothing left to lose for the next four years.

They do.  About 214 things, to be precise.