You may sound good on paper as a candidate, but seeing you in person is what's going to make or break your chances. You may not look like a supermodel, but if you're intelligent, confident, caring, funny, and make it clear you're going places, you'll attract people. More than you may know what to do with. Being good-looking but dense as a sack of bricks isn't going to get you further than a one-nighter. Being good-looking, smart, and an asshole isn't going to get you anywhere period. You might dupe people in the short-term if you have any sense of charm, but they'll eventually drop your ass once they realize they can do better. And word will spread, and you will eventually be known as That Guy.
While nobody's quite mastered the first type, right now the GOP are the poster children for that third one. The Self-Proclaimed Nice Guys® chewing on the brims of their fedoras and chugging a can of Venom while complaining about those stuck-up minority voters constantly friendzoning them at the polls.
As so many of us ladyfolk know, this attitude is repulsive enough coming from a 20-something college kid who expects minor sexual favors as a reward for not being an overt douchecanoe. When it comes from 60+ year old men who are more than old enough to know better, it falls somewhere between "hilarious" and "fuck this, I'm done."
See, when you make it painfully clear that there are certain groups you want to deny voting rights to simply because they won't vote for you, it's the dating equivalent of putting a "ps - no fat chicks, lol" line in your online profile. Not only are you not going to get the fat chicks you don't want, but you're going to drive away a lot of the people you do want because you sound like an asshole.
Guess what? That really doesn't leave too many people in your corner.
This "re-branding" campaign the GOP has launched in a mad scramble for votes after getting summarily whipped black and blue at the polls in 2012 is little more than just fluffing up their online dating profile with better pictures and quietly removing Ted Nugent from their list of favorite artists. The same asshole is still behind it. And if you schedule a date and meet him in person, in public, you'll see it. You'll see it in every ridiculous thing he says about rape, in every racist anti-immigration law he wants to pass, in every women's clinic and shelter he wants to close, in every gun he wants to put in the hands of a teacher, in every dollar of social aid he wants to keep out of the hands of the poor, in every public classroom he wants to put a Bible in, in every word of paranoid nonsense he says about climate change and evolution being hoaxes, and in every child he wants to deny sex education to.
It's not the "brand" that needs to change for the GOP. It's the policies behind the brand. It's the pining for an America that never existed. The fear, the paranoia, the frothing insanity and denial of reality, the resistance to change itself. The stagnation. The fetid peat bog of stupid that is only serving to preserve this farce of a party for posterity, so we can look back on it in forty years and say "thank God Almighty we dodged that fucking bullet."
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